| playas only love you when they're playing.... |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|12:26 am] |
well i'm so sorry david to only send you one liners; yeah i guess i should really be in better touch with you. although, i must admit that it was weird not to see you in chicago? were you trying to tell me something by your no call no show?
nevertheless lots has kept me busy. it really has been busy with all this interview crapola and figuring out what i want to do for the rest of my life and where exactly to do it.
i still feel like we have unfinished business to talk over. i know it was hard to leave atlanta and feel so close to each other for that time and then not really have closure; i was really hoping to see you in person in chicago so that we could talk things over and finally come to a resolution, or at least a better one than there is now. i'm sorry if i hurt you -- and it must have been exceptionally difficult to deal with me having a boyfriend from school, and so soon after our parting. i guess maybe we just had different, unspoken expectations, and when those expectations weren't fulfilled by me it must have been hard. i don't know though unless you tell me. it would be good to talk. i do really value you as a friend......and you've influenced so much change in my life.
how is that for more than a one liner? |
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| i got the blues....over the reds |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|01:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | K-Love - Spanish Pop | ] |
I cant believe that Kerry lost. What is this country coming to? I'm very scared...Life is so fucked...Maybe I should juss invest in that rifle at Wal mart already?
I aint fighting no war! Hell NO! I just wasnt made for that kind of shit!
My co worker is silly...everyone is depressed here today. She told me that she couldnt even sleep last nite cause she was worried about the election and she prayed real hard cause she said, "if Bush wins then tomorrow they might have me and my people back in the field picking cotton." She's silly...but she did come to work with her gloves on!
Ugggh...last nite I went out to dinner with this guy. What a total mistake...he was crazy.He made me very sad tho...cause I hope that I dont end up like him. He really wants to be with someone..He wants to be romantic and in love and he was already trying with me. It was sad. He was already planning x-mas and shit! that was weird.
I remember when I didnt care if I had a man...or love for that matter. I remember when I was asexual and happy. I was also super fat. Maybe I should just seek comfort in food again?
I also cant get motivated to study for the GRE. I really want to apply to some good schools, but time is running out and I am lazy.
Maybe next lifetime?
d |
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| on the road to buddhism... |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|11:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ciara - oh yeah! | ] |
I hate it when I do stupid things like get drunk and then call "that guy" (at 3am).
I hate it when I dont have any clean underwear.
I hate it when I get aggressive.
I hate it when I feel guilty for simple things in life.
oh well...I deleted his number from my phone to prevent any further stupidity...
when buda? will my angel come to rescue me and fuck me all nite? when? |
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| I know this is kind of Psycho... |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|03:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | and working it! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Aaliyah - I miss you! | ] |
But I cant help it...I needed to document the last time someone said they loved me..and that includes lying about it too...They only said it really quickly at the end of the message..But its what I heard.
Was I delusional? Just hearing things? Maybe...
This is the last voice mail message that I rec'd from my Summer Love:
Sept 26, 2004 2:00 pm
Hey putito…how are you?
I was listening to your redesigned aaliyah cd..how my favorite song is number one . I didn’t have my phone all weekend. I went to the jersey shore, for a day basically. And now I am all packed up and headed home. I leave tomorrow. If you want to, give me call tonite, I leave tomorrow at 6 am. I will take lots of picture for you and send them to you digitally with my new digital camera.
And….know that I do miss you and I think of everything that we shared. And everything that you tell me means so much.Um.. Your words are so precious. Its so great to read your emails. I got all my mail and I got your new business card. Look at you moving up in the world. All capital letters Oh wow…I don’t know what to say, but I do miss you. And I like your check, we are going to have some fun times in Chicago. Or good times. Fun times. I cant wait to see you then…Take care of yourself…just think about us getting together again cause I do miss you. And everytime I look at that picture of you at the presentation, I just…and also when we had fun at Diana’s apartment. I just miss all of that…and I miss you too. Thank you for your message…Ill talk to you soon. I miss you David..love you..bye bye!
Am I pathethic or what? hee he heeee |
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| why? |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|09:55 pm] |
No one understands the pain that I feel.
I've lost my supposed soulmate...
I anticipate his arrival and nada...
I keep telling myself , "All these emotions are not new, Vonkie."
Why else would people write poetry and music about such things?
So if I am destined to feel this way? then why? why?
I know they say its better to have loved and lost
then not to have loved at all.
But whats the point of such bullshit?
The truth is I miss him.
Is it possible to be in love with two men at the same time?
Why did I fall in love with someone that I would never want?
And why did I fall in love with someone who never wanted me?
Now there is no one to keep me company
No one to make me laff
No one to care for me in my time of need.
I keep smiling and acting like everything is okay.
But its not.
I remember that I saw a moth while I was away.
A hug one...and I knew it meant bad luck.
But I tried my best not to fear it.
And today, my herbita de ruda dried
My people always treasured them as good luck.
How much luck do you think is in one that is dried up and dead?
Please GOD...I know its holy month. I know that Muslims everywhere are praying and I pray with them. Listen to me join them and become powerful in numbers...Help me get through this. Help me!
Salvame!
In your name I pray (and in mine). |
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| Crash and Burn... |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|10:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | JoJo - the happy song | ] |
Last Sunday my car was hit...It was horrible. I was on my way home with my friend who was passed out and then.....BAM....this car just drove right into me.
I was sooo PISSED and disoriented...it was just like in the movies..I had little birdies flying around my head...and when I came thru I looked over at the car that hit me, and low and behold it was my own fucking friends...
They didnt see the red light. Can you believe such dumb fucks live in the world?
So now my back hurts like crazy...
AND
I have a rental..Its a HUGE BUICK and I feel like its a granddaddy car and I am missing my walker and oxygen tank in the back seat.
Can you believe that they make new cars WITHOUT cd players?
Just bitching and moaning...
I miss my Summer LOVE...I want to kiss the back of his neck.
How can I get him back into my life?
I need to get ghetto and psycho... |
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| Contemplating the meaning of life |
[Sep. 25th, 2004|07:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sade - King of Sorrows | ] |
I hate to bitch and moan, but I will. What the fuck is life supposed to be about? I dont understand it one bit. Am I not supposed to question it?
Life seems really boring today. I havent accomplished much of anything and I dont really have the energy. It feels so good to be lazy and juss sleep.
I need a man! Where can I find one? |
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| Today's Word: Magnanimous |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|02:30 pm] |
So, I need to beef up my vocabulary for this fucking test I need to take. So todays word is "Magnanimous." Do you know what it means?
So heres my sentence: "Vonquisha was out at a drag show when one of the queens did a super kick and off flew her magnanimous stiletto killing an audience member and injuring three others."
Actually it means "Courageously noble in mind and heart."
Learning to love someone and to let them go is like a magnanimous fuck.
v |
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| YUCK....dont eat fried chicken! |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble with Love is.... | ] |
Okay...
So if your trying to eat healthy and trying to shed a few pounds, then stay away from fried chicken...I don't care if its on sale for one dollar. Its nasty. I got sucked into buying the 99 cent special today from Popeyes. Why? cause everyone at my job is poor and fat. So, I thought okay, why not be poor and fat along with them.
YUCK....fried chicken is nasty. I bit into it and this tidal wave of grease gushed all over my mouf.
Now that I raped both pieces, I feel really unfulfilled. What will it take to fulfill me in life? who? when? and where?
I am still over love. Its strange how absence is supposed to make the heart fonder, yet all it has done to me is help to forget him. Although I did have several dreams this morning about him. When will I be over the only guy that I have loved? Was it love? Were we just infatuated with one another spending too much time with each other and sucking and fucking? Is that why prison men fall in love and fuck each other? Is it cause they are spending too much time with one another?....Hmmmmmm...
Regardless, STAY AWAY FROM FRIED CHICKEN! |
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| Giving myself to someone for all the wrong reasons |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|04:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alicia Keys - Why dont you call me any more your MF? | ] |
I'm feeling really sad today. I dont really understand the meaning of life. And I dont understand why people tell you they love you and then dont even bother to to think of you, or even call juss to say hello. Hell, Stevie Wonder even understood that one and the man was blind. Maybe when you're blind you can see more? Maybe? Either way, I've decided that I am done with men. I dont need them. All that they have done to me is cause me heartache, financial problems, make me vulnerable, and feel good in my asshole. Well that last part I do like about them. I do like to feel their skin and their nice arms, and chest. I like to start my hands from the top of the chest all the way down, down, downtown to their mushroom towr. But wait! I HATE THEM! I AM TIRED OF THEM>.......RESIST! I must resist.
Maybe I should cry some more... |
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| Fried Chicken 4 yo soul.... |
[Feb. 14th, 2004|02:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kelis - protect my heart | ] |
I just raped some fried chicken. But it was asking for it...it was looking all good and innocent all fried up and sexy greasy just oozing out of its nice honey brown skin. i feel horrible tho.
I need a new computer....I need a new hairstyle and I need some talent to get me out of this shithole town.
please jesus...help me! |
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| HAPPY V DAY! |
[Feb. 14th, 2004|10:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rejuvenated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | r. kelly - piss on you | ] |
Happy V day to me!....
So go get checked for V.D you bitches.....
who wants to fuck a hot latina power pig bttm? huh? who can handle this leche cemada?
shhhhheeeyat...te dejo chicharrada....
cum on...don't be scared...i'll cupid valentino that ass... |
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| gurrrrrlfriend last nite was off the hizzzzeey. |
[Feb. 14th, 2004|10:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Kylie Minogue - Red Blooded Women | ] |
I had so much fun last nite.
I went out to dinner and then my boo wanted to get his nipples pierced, which he did.
But the best part was when we decided to go to a drag show afterwards. I LOVED IT!
lets see, there is soooo much drag talent tucked away in the armpit of houston, Cou Sins.
Raven St. James was off the hook. She did a crack whitney houston, "One of those days." She did Kelis "Milkshake" and that beyyatch had matching hair and shake too! Then this old skewl drag queen Diana jackson came out looking like she stepped out of a time warp. But she was sooo enteretaining. The best was that she would still preform with a old skewl radio shack microphone and guess what? she gave it to me....So now i have been doing my own shows all day. Yes she DID....and all it took was me buying her a BUSCH beer....the irony...eh? its like a black man drinking chardonnay...like a butch bar, behind So Be...like a drag queen, giving up her mic for a BUSCH....isnt it ironic? dont you think? |
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| i'm back...AGAIN! |
[Feb. 4th, 2004|07:18 pm] |
Okay...so i am back again...and this time i promise to be better...i promise to do what i am supposed to do in life and i promise to care about mmmoooooiiiii! ME mo FOs
i havent done this in a while, I suppose i was in a love hangover induced coma for the better part of the year...
alguien salvame!
i've been waking up slowly lately..realizing my true destiny and word in life...but this coma is so hard to shake. i am like trying to learn how to walk again...hot to speak and and how to make people laugh. its hard!
but i am gonna do it babaaaay...or my name aint vonquisha lacucci dela carmen garcia.
right?
okay so more from me later...my nikkahs.
vonkie |
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| still acting stupid...and i dont know why? |
[Feb. 14th, 2003|09:52 am] |
okay...
so yesterday i was really good.. i told myself myself that i wouldnt think of him...and stalk him in any way or fashion....but today i did...and i did it real sloppy and almost couldve been busted. i cant really mention the fashion.......
uuuuugggghhhh...so i need to ask myself....why do i care? why should i care? and i shouldnt....really there is no reason in the world...he was always bad for me...always a big liar....a starfucker...juss like his daddy...
and the latest sexploitation is that he has been with this guy that i met online...and i didnt mess around with him..a real basurera....this guy can barely conjugate...and they have fucked and sucked toegether...at the same 20 dollar for 2 hours hotel on the northside/heights of houston....
yuck eh? how incestuous....anyhow...my latest game has been toying with him knowing that i know and how he blatantly lies to my face. i suppose he doesnt want to look ike a slut to me and think he can save some face. but whatever the case.....its juss plain stupid
i am supid....stupid...stupid........
let him go...let him go... he's bad for you....he will kill you if you continue to stalk him...and youwill get busted....
stop stalking him...let him be...let him self destruct...he's on the right path for it...so juss let it happen. |
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| Back BITCHES...... |
[Feb. 11th, 2003|10:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | DJ Kicks- Electro (Tiga) | ] |
OKay....
So first i need to apologize for not updating sooner...this will not happen again...I SWEAR!!!
Its juss been really hard...thats it....yeah juss reall hard.
divorce is never easy...
Lets see...what did we miss? uuuh there was some stalking of that other guy, some invasion of privacy stuff and some thoughts of homicide...but all of it was in the name of love? so doesnt that count for anything? hee hee hee he
what else? tonite...i juss came back from doing this foot fetish guy...who strangely enuff also hookt up with my x--(that bitch asshole cocksucker)
so...i was all the more intrigued to do the foot fucking....
and it was actually fun....i didnt know that foot fetish guys could work it soo well. i mean like i can barely walk.....hee hee hee
okay thats it for now..i am sleepy...but i juss had to tell
i will be more decriptive tomorrow....for now juss think feet and sex |
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| still stuck in honey..... |
[Dec. 24th, 2002|09:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | erykah | ] |
Things havent changed much in a year.....I am listening to erykah badu now. She always seems to console me.
I don't understand how someone could take control of my soul this way. Not erykah silly.....my ended relationship with IT....the THING...the ASSHOLE....(sounds a little bitter eh?)
Last nite I read some really bad poetry...and it made me laugh...It was possibly the only thing that has made me smile in about 24 days. But it got me thinking...the author really thinks that its good...cause they are trying to convey some message...even tho it sucks...they get some credit for trying...and so i have been inspired.
breaking my heart
Sandin my face
blinding me
with artificial excitement
Coward, you can't handle love
I dared you
double dared you
and still u lost
Only I lost too....
What good is Love?
If it doesnt serve to prevail?
If people can easily change their mind,
and fall in and out and back in again.
I only wanted to watch the grass grow with you
To make you laugh with my bad drag shows.
Forever really isnt such a long time.
When you can die tomorrow.
All things considered,
I'm just some guy you met in college.
All things considered,
I've shaved every place where you've been.
All things considered,
You didnt give me any consideration...
5 years and counting till self destruction.
Houston, we have a problem.
Well so is my hopeless attempt at bad poetry...That other guys was worse....made me laugh more. I can't seem to laugh at my own work. I guess my freedom has come along.
"When my freedom comes along,I'm gonna run child.
Cause I know that I'll go far...
Can't let nobody get my soul and bring me down
And they know who they are...
My life..sure aint been too easy"
e. badu |
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| My m.dache always helps..... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2002|08:32 pm] |
theothernina: j juss left to his bfs party
theothernina: why dont i have a bf?
iNaTinG: cuz you didnt go out and stalk one down like j
theothernina: how can i repair my damaged ego
theothernina: true
iNaTinG: shop shop shop!
iNaTinG: reinvent yourself
iNaTinG: your look
iNaTinG: and mos def
iNaTinG: your ATTITUDE
iNaTinG: you are a go getter a man eater a rump shaker!
theothernina: i am by golly geee...i am one....right?
iNaTinG: SI BASURERA COMO QUE NO!!
theothernina: yeah you are right...thanks for th epositive reinforcement...
theothernina: i think i woul dlike to date some....maybe play around wiff a few cocks
loose some more weight....concentrate on skewl and my health
iNaTinG: yesssssss
iNaTinG: you have to be willing to sacrifice and be willing to lose, to give things up
iNaTinG: to do without things you really want right now just to get the bigger things you want someday
iNaTinG: and its haaard. but im sick of not being satisfied. i demand satisfaction!
theothernina: yyyeahhh which has been my problem....
theothernina: i dunno...its juss like i want to move one...but i m in honey.
theothernina: i will get thru this.....its stupid....cause things arent working the way i want them
iNaTinG: hee hee i like that metaphor |
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| Back...been a long time and a lot has happened |
[Dec. 22nd, 2002|08:26 pm] |
Okay..
so i am back for good this time...i really need this space to juss let my heart all hang out....
i've juss been brokenhearted... by this guy that i thought i was in love with...only i think i was settling for him cause he was all i had....and i broke up with him and thought that i could always have him....turns out...
WRONG...he moved on...took me to a party on the nite of my birthday and then was getting fondled and was kissing with the host of the party...who low and behold is his trick...
so there...people like to disrespect me.
if he loved me...then why would he bring me and make me see that?
like it wouldnt hurt my heart to see him with someone else?
since then...i have made about 5 desperate pleas....and still he has lost the key to the door to my heart..
uuuuhhhh
I can make it through the rain |
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| Trying to figure this out |
[Jun. 7th, 2001|04:31 pm] |
OKay....i'm back foos. i am at work..and i am hanging out with my mommydache....
i lovemy mommydache.....but when she hangs out...she hang out.....like i can seem to get her away from me...getting away from her is like trying to shake a disease.....
anyhow....shes just here...at my job too......
so...whats been happening? oh i did the so. be opening....
it was fun. |
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